Tipping

Merriam-Webster defines gratuity as something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service.

That being said, tipping is tricky.  There are some basic guidelines like servers usually get a 15% tip for average service. For the most part this is common knowledge.  But what to do if the service was truly horrible?

Recently I went on a dinner cruise down the Cincinnati. We were seated by 630 and we didn't see our server until almost 7. We placed our drink order at that time and we didn't get those for 45 minutes. My brother pointed out that the server forgot his drink and after that the server mostly paid attention to my brother (the server was obviously gay, maybe he was hitting on my brother).  It was like this the rest of the night, we basically had to hunt him down to get any kind of service.

This isn't the only time I've had horrible service.  Once our waitress told us she was new to this and would do her best. I would expect nothing less and I'm definitely OK with a new waitress in training. She proceeded to tell the next table she had been doing this for almost a year. Long and frustrating story short, it took us almost 3 hours before we were finally able to leave. Talk about a waste of time (and the floor manager was useless).

A google search reveals we should always leave something, anything.  Officially I find nothing that states what should be done in this situation. That's too bad because I think if service is more than lacking somewhere I should be able to withhold their gratuity.

During this google search I did find an interesting tip guide at www.tipping.org. It has quite a bit of tipping etiquette on services I didn't know had an appropriate etiquette (specifically speaking, I had no clue there was proper etiquette for tipping at an exotic club. Did you know you should pay $3 tip per song when you are sitting next to the stage? Not including a tip for any fun moves you see. And if you pay for a private dance you should still tip them after the performance).

Musical!

Merriam-Webster gives a simple definition of a musical as a movie or play that tells a story with songs and often dancing.

Musicals are great. You can claim you don't like them but I bet there is one that you enjoy more than you're going to admit.  I enjoy several musicals myself and my wife does as well.  We do, however, have a hard time agreeing on what is considered a musical and whether or not we want to watch it together.

I've decided to compile a list of some of my favorite musicals. These are in no particular order, just as they come to mind.

The Sound of Music

I don't know of anybody who doesn't know of this movie. Several have not seen it, and I understand. Old musicals are not everyone's cup of tea. Time period movies (can WWII be considered a time period movie?). The Von Trapps have amazing talent. This movie is based on the true story of the Von Trapps family, crazy to think. Truth be told I made it halfway through the movie and woke up at the end but I still do enjoy the music.

Grease

Who doesn't like a good musical about changing your values to woo the person you have a crush on? Forget about being true to yourself and forget about them liking you for who you are. By the end of this film both Olivia Newton John and John Travolta change who they are to impress the other. You'll start off innocently with "Summer Nights". By "Greased Lightning" you'll be wondering "why haven't I fallen for this hip cat? All your values will be out the window when you sing along to "You're the one that I want".

My wife may have a hard time getting me to watch this movie but I usually end up singing along to it.  I usually find myself singing along to the music when it pops up on my playlist (her playlist.....).

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

No, I'm not talking about the newer one with Johnny Depp. That one wasn't great. The original with Gene Wilder.  Between the Oompa songs and Gene Wilder's creepy boat ride, what's not to like? Besides all the other events leading up to the Chocolate Factory.

DISNEY!

No list with musicals can be complete without some mention of Disney. They have left a huge mark on the world of musicals. Some were great (Lion King anyone?) and some were not so great (Pocahontas, decent music but didn't like it). This deserves a list on it's own but I'm putting a quick compilation here for now.

Lion King

Growing up we had some regular guests in our house that would demand we watch "El Rey Leon" all the time. They were toddlers and I was a teenager. As much as I enjoyed the movie and the music it became extremely frustrating hearing it all the time. Having 2 kids I now completely understand the persistent demands to watch the same thing over and over. But it's still a great movie with great music.

Aladdin

I watched this movie so many times my brothers and I would choose characters to quote and we would do our best to imitate the voices and songs. We didn't always get all the words to the songs right, and I still probably sing the same wrong words now.  My children don't have the same fond memories I have of this movie but that doesn't stop me from trying.

Little Mermaid

The 90s were a great decade for Disney. The summer before my senior year some friends of mine had a stage play and put on their version of Kiss the Girl. Oh, if only I had a camera. I can't put into words the way they portrayed this song. 2 guys (one with a wig) in a small kiddie pool and 6 others dancing around them in circles using straws to make the the appearance of the fountains in the blue lagoon (missing on purpose and spitting the water onto "Eric" and "Ariel").

Beauty and the Beast

Kids don't understand Stockholm Syndrome and why should they? I don't believe this is about the captive Belle falling in love with the captor Beast, it's a typical love story told by Disney. Beeftony (anybody else picturing Cartman's Beefcake?), another blogger, agrees that it isn't Stockholm Syndrome, you can read his arguments here.  This is still a great movie and I'm excited to see Emma Watson play Belle.

And in case you've been living under a rock, here is a link to the teaser trailer.

Rio

It's time to move on from Disney movies (there are still multiple movies I did not mention). This movie was terrific. I don't often buy soundtracks to movies but after seeing this I bought the soundtrack. Watching my 3 year old (or was she 4?) daughter pretend to be a bird in her carseat flapping her arms to the song Hot Wings (I wanna Party) was adorable.  Personally I like Nigel's song better.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Straying away from what my wife considers a musical, this is by far one I can watch over and over again. The bluegrass twang of the music and George Clooney's best role (according to me, my mother in law prefers Ocean's 11) make this movie terrific. The Siren's Song was my favorite, I love when voices harmonize and the way the trio acts around the lovely Siren's is great. The Coens admitted this movie was loosely based on Homer's Odyssey, and the website Quora made side by side comparison to help us understand the likeness (this helped me a lot because when I was supposed to read this in college I made it through the first line and fell asleep). This movie is great to quote along to as well.

The Blues Brothers

I'm going out on a limb to say this is by far my favorite musical.  The plot of the movie sends the Blues Brothers, Jake and Elwood (played by Belushi and Ackroyd), "on a mission from God" to save the orphanage they grew up in.  The stellar cast also included Carrie Fisher, John Candy, and Henry Gibson with guest appearances by James Brown, Aretha Franklin, and Ray Charles (to name a few). It was the first Saturday Night Live sketch to be made into a movie and it was the second most successful one (first being Wayne's World).  This movie is a must watch for anybody. Their website (just found out it existed) is full of information regarding the legacy that is The Blues Brothers. I purchased their CD at one point and it was one of my favorites (unfortunately it didn't survive during my 2 years as a missionary, my brothers scratched it beyond repair).

Homeless

I went as a family to Niagara Falls. I loved it. There were many aspects I would love to do again (time and mostly money permitting).

As we walked to the Falls on our first day we walked past a homeless man. My daughter is very concerned with him and wants me to give him some cash.  I have many problems with this to begin with.

After my daughter saw this homeless man in Canada she asked why I wasn't helping him. I love that my daughter has a huge heart and wants to help everybody. I had a hard time trying to explain why I didn't want to give this man cash. What I could explain was don't know this man. I don't know his story. I don't know why he's homeless. This much was easy to explain to my daughter.

I continued explaining that if this guy needed medicine to help him keep a job he all he needed to do was find a hospital and talk to a doctor. I told her medicine was free for everybody in Canada. All this homeless man needed to do was find a hospital and get an appointment. Fortunately for me the conversation was cut short because we arrived to Niagara Falls and she got distracted.

I'm glad this conversation was cut short. How do you explain to an 8 year old girl the long waits? How do you tell them that care can be delayed because of it? I am definitely no expert in the Canadian medical system but I do know it's free.

This is not the first time we have seen a homeless man. This is not the first time she wanted me to help a homeless man. Sometimes I can and I do. I hate with a passion giving them cash, loose change or bills. One of the last times I gave somebody cash was when I lived in Chile.

In Chile I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yes, I was one of the Mormon missionaries that would knock on your door.  Several people in the poorer sections of Santiago believed all missionaries were from America and had cash. This is beyond true. That didn't stop the homeless people in the area from asking and begging for money.

The first few months I was there I would toss them a few extra coins I had. My companions would advise me against it but I thought I was helping them. The longer I was there, the more I noticed cheap wine boxes in their hands. I smelled the alcohol on their breath more frequently. I noticed their unsteady gait as they walked towards me to beg for the cash.

I became frustrated with the thought they were asking for money to buy alcohol. It was abhorring.  Though I didn't become bitter at their begging, I began refusing them money. I would turn them away and tell them to keep walking.

About 6 months into my mission (men usually serve 2 years) my companion taught me something, something I continue to use. Christ lived a perfect life. Christ never turned away anybody regardless of their circumstances.  He would always teach by example and as missionaries He was (and still is) our perfect example. My companion taught me instead of refusing these men, offer them something homeless people would need: food and a spiritual thought.

When a homeless person would come by and beg for change we would politely inform them we did not have money to spare. This was no lie, as missionaries we have enough to feed ourselves and pay for bus fare as needed. Instead we would offer to buy them a loaf of bread with some butter and pate (a cheap meat spread, pretty tasty) from the corner store.

It surprised me how frequently the homeless people refused a free sandwich. But I felt better about myself since I was offering something they needed. Their refusal made it their choice not to eat.

Fast forward to present day and time.  I've been working as a nurse in the Emergency Department for 3 years now. We help anybody and everybody who walks through the door, regardless of their complaint. Many homeless people come through the department for various reasons. Many of them have positive drug screens or elevated alcohol levels. Sometimes both. Though they may be homeless their peddling for money gives them enough to continue their drug habits.

I continue to try and help the homeless where I can. I refuse to give them cash. I will give them food when and where I can. I have occasionally purchased extra meals from McDonald's to give to homeless people. Sometimes I give them coupons for free food.

I am not trying to tell you how to help the homeless. Just letting you know how I prefer to help them.

Sweet Parenting Necessities

I've been a parent for 8 years. I must admit there are a LOT of things I wish were available when I was looking for things to go with my special baby.  Here is a list for you in case you're wondering.  I put the links in case you're looking where to buy them.  I'm sure there will be more things to add to the list at some point, scrolling through I found many interesting other items for toddlers, I'm sure that'll be a post one day.  Enjoy!

NoseFrida

Baby has a cold? Suffering his (or her) first round of allergies?  What better way to clear the nose than suck it out yourself? Who knows how much suction those bulbs do? As a plus you get a salty little treat while baby gets to breathe easier!

http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/entertainment/kids/nosefrida-the-snotsucker-nasal-aspirator.asp

Windi the Gasser

From the makers of Nosefrida comes Windi the Gasser.  Every kid gets the Colic. This can be extremely frustrating. Sometimes nothing seems to help (belly rubs and moving the legs around helped our a bit but not always). What to do? Insert a straw to help get the gas out. Careful about the poop coming out!

http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/household/miscellaneous/windi-the-gaspasser-gas-colic-reliever.asp

Bowser baby carrier

Everybody needs to carry their young baby around.  This shows everybody you care while at the same time telling them touching is prohibited without permission (see the spikes, means no touch!)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/254757951/new-king-bowser-koopa-universal-baby?source=aw&awc=6220_1462243610_8cc9c6c1f9a01ca987f60c9a45eca908&utm_source=affiliate_window&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=us_location_buyer&utm_content=226441

Mustache Pacifier

Every kid needs a pacifier, especially when the boob needs a break.  Why not give the kid a mustache while you're at it?  Those milk mustaches are so cliche.

http://www.amazon.com/Mustache-Pacifier-Unique-Baby-Shower/dp/B015ESTKEY/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_img_12?ie=UTF8&refRID=0NG2WYKBPRBDSN9A41HM

Tactical Diaper Bag

Every new parent needs a diaper bag.  Don't get those flowery diaper bags that everyone has (yes I got one, my wife didn't give me an option).  This is the diaper bag every man (and woman) needs. 

 In addition to carrying pouches for snacks, diapers, wipes, and baby bottle storage, the changing mat has an extra pouch to hold the diaper. This becomes extremely useful when trying to change the diaper quickly.  You can wipe the mat down easily (especially useful when the baby has a blowout, and those cute little baby bottoms will most certainly cause poop to explode out the diaper).

http://www.amazon.com/Tactical-Baby-Gear-Military-Changing/dp/B01A61KFIO/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1463193687&sr=1-1&keywords=tactical+diaper+bag&refinements=p_72%3A1248867011

Zombie Doll

Every baby needs a cute little stuffed toy to cuddle when snuggling next to mommy (or daddy) isn't possible.  Something they relate to comfort when the babysitter arrives.  Why not the zombie doll?  I can just imagine Grandma watching in horror as baby starts teething on the zombies head.  Oh the joy (I mean horror).

http://www.amazon.com/Plush-Zombie-Undead-Stuffed-Toy/dp/B01AKNC6NA/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&qid=1463195094&sr=8-24&keywords=zombie+baby

Coulrophobia

Coulrophobia is the clinical word for the fear of clowns.  Somebody you know has this, even me, and it affects them on different levels.

At this point in my life it's more of a running joke.  To others the fear of clowns is so gripping they become paralyzed at the sight while others go into panic mode.

There are still several clowns out there that will always give me the creeps for various reasons.  This is my list of clowns that have terrorized my dreams in various forms (some worse than others).

6. Killer Klowns from Outer Space

This campy movie was hilarious in many ways.  It was never meant to be taken seriously (that I know of). The first time I watched it was late night on basic cable while my parents thought we were sleeping in the other room visiting my uncles.  The random bits of gory killings were funny but the part that creeped me out was the cotton candy cocoons they would wrap you to preserve you for later.  Overall these clowns were funny but still made my 11 year old skin crawl.

5. Zombieland Clown

Columbus (Jesse Eisenburg) has Coulrophobia as well.  One of his biggest fears is clowns.  In order to save his friends at the end of the movie he has to face his biggest fear, a zombie clown.  Though I was an adult when I saw this movie the face alone haunts me.

4. Twisty the clown

American Horror Story knows how to make you feel uneasy. They know how to find your fear and bring it to life. Their season Freakshow gives us Twisty. His silence, his eyes, clothing, everything about him will make you want to run and scream.  His background is sad (watch it to find out) but his actions say differently.

3. John Wayne Gacy

This man is probably where killer clowns originated.  He was a sexual predator and serial killer with at least 33 murders to his name.  When he wasn't luring boys to his home to kill he would volunteer as Pogo the Clown at fundraisers, children's parties, and parades.  The man is pure evil and is part of the reason I have clown issues.

2. Pennywise

Stephen King has a knack for creeping everybody out. Pennywise is no exception. He terrorizes a group of kids through adulthood.  His demonic presence terrified me while reading the book and for some reason I decided to watch the movie as well.

1. Poltergeist Stuffed Clown

Growing up my parents had a couch that had an opening large enough for a 7 year old to crawl under and watch movies only the adults were watching.  I wanted to see the movie all the adults were watching.  This clown coming to life and attempting to strangle the boy, laughing all the while, gave me countless nightmares.

There you have my list.  Scary clowns that give me the creeps.