Know the Difference

I spent 8 hours in triage with only the help of a tech (and we rocked it, couldn't have done it without her).  Had some patient's come in today that were struggling to know the difference between a few terms, thought I'd point them out (most of these come from one patient).

First: When you eat something spicy you get hot and sweaty, heart rate increases, and you start breathing faster to cool your mouth down. If you add salsa to something, chances are it's spicy (apparently it's not common knowledge, I've had two patients in the last week eat salsa not knowing it was spicy). Remedy: drink some milk, eat some bread, and suck it up.

Allergic reactions are slightly different and vary in severity depending on how your body reacts. You can experience itching, wheezing, shortness of breath, swelling, nausea, vomiting or tingling in the mouth. This requires immediate medical attention. Take benadryl if it's available, otherwise get to the ED ASAP (don't do urgent care, they'll send you to the ED after taking your money).

Second: There is a slight difference between 9 months pregnant and 9 weeks pregnant. If you can't tell the difference, PLEASE don't breed.

You can't do this if you're 9 weeks pregnant (and probably shouldn't do it if you're 9 months pregnant)

Third: A person is not unresponsive if they're napping in the car. Want to know a simple trick to make sure they're responsive? Take your knuckles and push and rub the center of their chest as hard as you can. If they wake up, they're napping. If not, they're unresponsive.

This will also work but you might get accused of domestic abuse (or fired if working in the healthcare field)

Fourth: If you haven't been able to eat or drink anything in the last six days, your body will tell me. Your heart rate would be elevated, your blood pressure tanking, and your respirations will increase.

Lastly: If you exaggerate your symptoms to get a room faster than other people and I don't have a reason to take you back (as in your vitals check out and you have no symptoms you claim to have), get your ass to the end of the line and wait.

Also, if I tell you to wait in the lobby, don't look at your boyfriend and say "I don't know what to do."  I just told you. Get to the end of the fucking line and wait. (After my patient said this, I literally unlocked her wheelchair and said, you find a spot in the lobby where you want to wait and we'll get you a room when it's available).